Why that Swiss flag?

In Last Year: The Nightmare it looks like some adolescents got drunk on the same Swiss liqueur that we know from Donkey Kong Country — see the heart-shaped bottle with the Swiss cross in the lower right corner?

But the punishment for underage drinking is swift and appears to involve ripping out of spinal cords. Brutal but quite surely effective. Also, one must wonder if these kids played DKC when they grew up and that inspired them to become alcoholics. Someone at Nintendo should take note.

Fanatical‘s Jumbo Bundle logo appears to tell the story of a lonely Swiss millionaire in his Swiss helicopter, out to save his friend from a mountain mishap:

To be fair, Switzerland does have a famous international helicopter rescue organization, Rega, but I can’t imagine that this was a nod to them.

You would expect better from neighbors of Switzerland Rammstein, but perhaps they actually recorded this video in California, where lifeguards are labelled with the internationally recognized symbol of “Swiss cross”:

Dangerous, boys. If you enter Switzerland in those trunks, people will think you are some foolish Swiss nationalists or football hooligans instead of the proud, muscular German industrial workers that you are.

Donkey Kong is a drunkard! Why do we know this? Because drinking Swiss cherry liqueur from a weird wood-framed bottle gets him a “heart boost”. Cirrhosis of the liver, more likely:

There are multiple things wrong with this situation, not the least of which that the Swiss cross is slightly too thin, the bottle has no obvious opening and the price is way too low. Röteli for a mere 10 gold coins? In Switzerland? Not bloody likely.

The only heart-shaped liqueur bottle I know comes from Germany and is actually arse-shaped:

Proper Swiss Röteli bottles have the decency to come in normal shapes instead:

The screenshot above was stolen from The Geek Critique’s excellent coverage of the Donkey Kong reboots.

In a not-so-distant but very dystopian future, the neon is bright, the streets rain-slick, and Swiss chocolate is delivered via nanoteleporter directly into your system. You can see this in a screenshot from Ruiner:

If you step into one of the fields that are clearly labeled with the Swiss cross (and even square like the Swiss flag), nanomites crawl into your nose to simulate the taste of delicious Swiss chocolate made with the freshest milk from the Alps, perhaps gathered by Heidi herself; although I hear she’s more into goats. Once you’ve had your taste, the mites enter your bloodstream where they construct sugar molecules to nourish your body. That also explains why setting foot on a Swiss flag heals you in this game.

For shame, Reikon Games, for shame.

In episode S03E02 of the tasteless cartoon show Mr. Pickles, we can see Tommy saving the sheriff and Mr. Bojenkins using a Swiss navy boat:

Don’t laugh, Switzerland does have something like a navy, but I’m sure it’s not allowed to operate on US territory. So the cartoon is way, way off.

Colonies on Mars will feature small Swiss pavillions where you can sample delicious chocolate and buy Swatch watches:

I’m guessing this is to increase the morale of the colonists. Image stolen from Mack’s Worth a Buy on the game.

Oh boy. Epic Games, the developers of Fortnite, are no strangers to international markets. So it’s no surprise that the health refill item they include in their game is a small chest of Swiss delicacies, clearly labeled with the Swiss flag:

When you pick up that item it turns into some sort of snail shape with a Swiss flag armband on it:

I’m guessing the artists were trying to approximate the shape of a Swiss schnegg pastry. I couldn’t find a picture of the real Swiss one, so here’s a German imitation:

Not quite there, the artists got the dimensions all wrong. Better luck next time, Epic games!

The screenshot above was shamelessly stolen from a clip the gamers at Wizzite Games published. The false schnegg comes from a recipe written by the heathen German calling themselves ZwergTomate.

While the developers behind Just Cause 2 need to be commended for using the official first aid colors (white and green) on their first aid kits, they tarnish their reputation by putting what’s quite nearly the official Swiss coat of arms on armor crates:

Here’s the original one, just so you know:

This can only mean that in the universe of Just Cause 2, Switzerland managed to score an arms deal providing armor plates for Panau’s vehicles, even though they pleaded neutrality and shouldn’t really support any wars with arms exports. But maybe Panau is just a terribly peaceful dictatorship and all the killing and dying there doesn’t involve a war. Those sneaky Swiss bastards.

Just Cause’s correct (except for the cross shape) first aid kits look like this, by the way:

This early access survival game is very mistitled. After all, the situation can’t be too desolate if you still have boxes of Swiss chocolate like Mack shows in this screenshot:

Real desolation would mean having to eat your fellow survivors. But chocolate? Come on.