Author: Psy-Q

Oh boy. Epic Games, the developers of Fortnite, are no strangers to international markets. So it’s no surprise that the health refill item they include in their game is a small chest of Swiss delicacies, clearly labeled with the Swiss flag:

When you pick up that item it turns into some sort of snail shape with a Swiss flag armband on it:

I’m guessing the artists were trying to approximate the shape of a Swiss schnegg pastry. I couldn’t find a picture of the real Swiss one, so here’s a German imitation:

Not quite there, the artists got the dimensions all wrong. Better luck next time, Epic games!

The screenshot above was shamelessly stolen from a clip the gamers at Wizzite Games published. The false schnegg comes from a recipe written by the heathen German calling themselves ZwergTomate.

While the developers behind Just Cause 2 need to be commended for using the official first aid colors (white and green) on their first aid kits, they tarnish their reputation by putting what’s quite nearly the official Swiss coat of arms on armor crates:

Here’s the original one, just so you know:

This can only mean that in the universe of Just Cause 2, Switzerland managed to score an arms deal providing armor plates for Panau’s vehicles, even though they pleaded neutrality and shouldn’t really support any wars through arms exports. But maybe Panau is just a terribly peaceful dictatorship and all the killing and dying there doesn’t involve a war. Those sneaky Swiss bastards.

Just Cause’s correct (except for the cross shape) first aid kits look like this, by the way:

This early access survival game is very mistitled. After all, the situation can’t be too desolate if you still have boxes of Swiss chocolate like Mack shows in this screenshot:

Real desolation would mean having to eat your fellow survivors. But chocolate? Come on.

In this upcoming action RPG, one of the healing items is a bottle of Röteli (Swiss cherry liqueur), as you can see in this screenshot via I HAS PC:

This character has five bottles of the stuff, and at 22% ABV he’ll be completely pissed in no time if he tries to drink that for healing. Oh, and the sugar will make him a diabetic long-term.

Do better than Dauntless did, kids. No alcohol on the battlefield!

If you’ve been reading the stupidity that I publish here, you might have noticed that it’s often the biggest companies who make the most mistakes putting Swiss flags on medical items in games. Sometimes these companies even have offices in Switzerland, being multinational and all. It’s no different this time: Battlefield 1 has all med packs emblazoned with the flag of Switzerland:

Might be hard to see there, because like so many FPS games that take themselves seriously, Battlefield 1 is just a mix of browns and greens. But in the screenshot you can witness YouTuber TheBrokenMachine throwing a small burlap sack of Swiss chocolates to his squad mates.

Since Switzerland wasn’t part of World War 1, I guess it’s only fair for us to supply delicious truffe pralinés to the frontlines. Nothing better when you’re choking to death from poison gas than to poke your tongue through the shell and dig out that soft, sweet ganache filling.

In the game Killing Floor, there is a medic that is equipped with a Swiss syringe that allows him to inject a dosage of Kirsch or maybe heroin produced by Swiss pharmaceutical companies right into the veins of the injured, making them forget their pain and battle zombies with more drug-enduced enthusiasm:

While I very much appreciate the choice of Swiss drugs for this, we should never forget that other countries also produce nice things. Who wouldn’t like Hungarian Tokaji or some wonderful Somalian Khat? So I’d understand if residents of other countries felt treated unfairly by developer Tripwire Interactive’s singling out of the Swiss here.

Shame on developer WayForward, a household name for anyone who has ever owned any handheld game systems, for introducing a Swiss flag into the world of Silent Hill:

See it there in the lower right corner, next to a wrench and some bullets? Does that mean a box of Swiss milk chocolate is supposed to go on your tool belt when dealing with monster infestations? I’m confused.

An American company makes energy drinks with the Swiss flag as part of their logo:

I asked them why that is but have yet to hear back. If they tried to sell these in Switzerland, Austria, Germany or the Netherlands they’d have to change the logo, since only Swiss products may carry the Swiss flag there.